Monday, March 4, 2013

Trading Walls by David Goodman

I woke up this morning to a grim reality, most of my kids are grown , my wife's aging gracefully and mom's gone to her forever home and so much more.....I've also lost alot of other loved ones over the years, a lot of friends have came and gone, Love lingers and some of it turns to hatred, your kids blame you for their mishaps and undoings...So many things have transpired in such a short time but I still remain optimistic and calm.This wall doesn't look the same nor does it feel the same because it isn't. 9 yrs ago, it was my bedroom but now it's a federal cell wall, it looks the same in the dark but the feelings totally different. All the things I boast about just a minute ago, I didn't have the joy of being there and seeing it with my own eyes, graduations ,promotions, celebration, tragedies,etc. because I traded walls.I thought having money , toys,chicks and power kept the walls clean but now bloods falling down and it's so dark I can't even see it .
I'm writing this in the dark be cause that's how I feel empty, left alone and resentful.
A Rat comes home from prison and they throw him a party , so what's a solider? I use to ask myself that all the time but now none of that matters to me because mom's gone, kids are grown and my wife's pulling the load alone, while I'm sitting here sulken in my misery.
Encouragement's suppose to be special so I encouraged a many men to stick to the code and get paper but there's nothing special about that because once you trade walls the rules change and everyone fades away.It's like anything in life: For Ex.
One day i was in the club just doing me and a childhood friend came up to me and said Dirty Dave I see u done came up , let me hit that blunt you're smoking.I gave him a stillborn look and said : I don't smoke with strangers I knew you when we were kids but after all of these years I don't have a clue who you are, so back outta my face and re-address me like you would any other man or get outta my face and don't say anything...I know it may have offended him but so what , it wasn't about his feeling it was mine , and that's how everyone feels so learning someone over is key to everything.As for me, being away for so long, I know I have to learn everyone all over again.
Especially my children, you know how it is when those hormones get to kicking in , you don't exist till they need u then you're important.My wife isn't a young lady anymore she's an independent woman playing both roles since i'm not there , so going home is gonna be a transition as well because the roles are gonna have to change......However I do have an advantage because I see her all the time so her changes I've adapted to and needs and wants I know so we're learning each other together and that has to happen...Every one becomes a stranger when the walls trade, noone feels your pain like you do so they don't know you anymore either. Oh how I long for that wall I use to touch every morning getting outta the bed.
There's not enough money printed that's worth your freedom so when you look at that wall think of how precious it is and don't trade it for anything..........